Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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