He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
