somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
