Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
