these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
