While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I checked into jail on foursquare
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
