Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
