he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
