Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize