I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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