She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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