I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
