o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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