So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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