So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
