I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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