OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
