I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
