i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
