now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
