I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
