My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize