You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
