..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I smell stomach acid.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
