that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
