Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
