$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize