I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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