well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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