Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
