I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
zippers are such a cool invention
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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