remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
