Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
God, I missed his penis.
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