btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
