I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
