she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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