reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
