Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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