then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
