Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
its not stalking. its research.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
