You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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