I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
