Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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