I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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