tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
