Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
