I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
