we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You took a bar mat shot.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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