Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
