K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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