It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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