fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
