There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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