Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
