So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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