he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
