mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
