I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
