Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize