Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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