why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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