She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize