not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
