I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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