Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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