im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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