Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
