i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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