Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
