i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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