Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
