I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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