life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
