If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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