when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
