I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize