I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
